Claws, Cancellations, and Canned Cranberry: How to Thrive at Thanksgiving When the Country’s a Mess
No Epstein, No Politics—Just Lobster and Laughs
Let’s be honest—every holiday threatens to become its own episode of reality television, but this Thanksgiving, America’s plot twists have gone full telenovela. Government shut down? Check. Flights canceled Coast to Coast? Of course. Inflation high enough to make a side of green beans seem extravagant? You bet. Somewhere between the latest headlines and Aunt Maureen’s “helpful” thoughts on Taylor Swift’s dating life, one thing is clear: If ever we needed a mood lift, it’s now.
So—following official Washington’s lead—I’ve decided to “reduce operations” in the stress department. My plan? Revive seventies food nostalgia and serve lobster for Thanksgiving. Yes, lobster: fun, glam, a tad rebellious, and just the distraction we need while Rome burns and relatives speculate about the fate of democracy (or worse, try to explain the latest Epstein documentary at the dinner table).cnn+2
This isn’t a new idea. In 2023, my guests cracked shells and dunked hunks of sweet lobster in drawn butter, discovering that the only thing more satisfying than a win in November was licking the plate clean. The Financial Times assures me this is “very Seventies.” Back then, food was maximalist, presentation mattered, and rules weren’t just bent—they were flambéed. We can do better: serve flair, not despair.mainelobsterfestival+4
Of course, if you’re reading this stuck at Dallas/Fort Worth with 700,000 fellow stranded travelers, don’t despair—airlines say operations will return to “normal soon,” which in TSA-ese means your mashed potatoes will arrive just in time for Lent. Delta’s CEO has taken to national television, reassuring all that by week’s end, everyone will be home and only mildly traumatized by the experience. Remember the good old days when Thanksgiving headaches involved overcooked turkey, not federal funding lapses?nytimes+4
Most importantly—and this cannot be stressed enough—do not, under any circumstances, bring up Epstein at Thanksgiving. Some conversational water is too murky, even for lobster. Instead, lean hard into seventies food trends: devilled eggs, towering trifles, ginger-laced pumpkin soup, disco music, and polyester that repels both gravy and difficult subjects. If the national mood swings wildly, just match it with a punch bowl, a fondue set, and “Copacabana” on repeat.
Some “Very Seventies” (and Lobster) Recipes for Your Rebellion
Classic 1970s Deviled Eggs
What’s more vintage than a platter of these beauties perched proudly on the coffee table, right next to the shag carpet? Hard-boiled eggs, halved and filled with a luscious mix: mashed yolks, mayonnaise, a squirt of classic yellow or Dijon mustard, sweet pickle relish, vinegar, salt, pepper, and (if you’re feeling wild) a dash of Tabasco. Pipe or spoon into whites, sprinkle with plenty of paprika, and garnish with chives or dill. Bonus points for arranging them on a molded glass platter. Optional: go full 70s kitsch with a spoonful of curried yolk or a bacon crumble on top. https://nerdswithknives.com/classic-deviled-eggs/Pumpkin Soup With Creole Lobster
Hearty, spicy, with a sweet undertone—fresh lobster meat, cinnamon, nutmeg, 1 sugar pumpkin (or butternut squash), a dash of cayenne, and finish with crème fraîche. Start the meal this way.
mainelobsterfestivalMini Brioche Lobster Rolls
Maine-style, with chopped lobster, tarragon, and lemon zest on mini brioche buns. Serve as a passed appetizer, preferably with disco-era cocktails.
capeporpoiselobster+1Lobster and Bacon Stuffing
Lobster, cherrywood smoked bacon, sautéed onions, garlic and semolina bread. Bake hot until the table gathers in awe (and a little confusion).
mainelobsterfestivalRetro Dessert: Towering Trifle
Layers of chocolate pound cake, custard, tinned fruit, Jell-O if you dare, and clouds of whipped cream. The higher it tips, the bigger the laughs.
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This Thanksgiving, embrace the chaos—with claws, camp, and a refusal to talk politics (beyond mild jokes about federal shutdowns for dessert). When the kitchen fills with laughter, disco, and the insane optimism of the Seventies, remember: the best way to survive family and national crises is with joy, butter, and a refusal to let the headlines take the wheel.
So here’s to lobster, laughter, and pure culinary insurrection. May your stuffing be bacon-laced, your flights ungrounded, and your conversation blissfully Epstein-free.
Happy Thanksgiving, America. The only thing being shut down this year is boredom.